‘Responsible to’ and ‘Responsible for’ sound alike enough to be confused, even treated as equals, but they are quite different. People want to be responsible but they create unnecessary stress for themselves and sometimes irritation for others, when they mix up the two. Each of us is responsible for being a person of integrity and trustworthiness, and for respecting the dignity of every human being. We are to speak and act in ways that promote justice and equity for all. We are also responsible for the consequences of our words and deeds.
We are not responsible for how others attend to their responsibilities to themselves and society. There are exceptions of course. Parents are responsible for the well being of their children and for others in their care who cannot fend for themselves. Exceptions can even extend to professional duties. Physicians and nurses in hospitals are responsible for the well being of those in their care to to extent they are unable to care for themselves. Even exceptions have limitations. A patient can be compliant or not. Teachers have many responsibilities for children in their care, but not for the behavior of each child, and so on.
The complex, fuzzy boundary between ‘responsible to’ and responsible for’ leads many to wrongly assume personal responsibility for what others do. It leads to paternalism that assumes others are inferior and for whom superiors need to be responsible. Frustrating personal failure results when the other refuses to cooperate or becomes a dependent drone. Either way, it absolves the other of making any serious effort to be responsible for him or her self. Good intentions feed the worst kinds of paternalistic prejudices when entire classes of people are labeled as inferior and dependent
It can create the worst kind of self righteous do-goodism. The commandment to do unto others as you would have done unto you slides wrongly into ‘Do unto others as you think they need to have done unto them because you know better what’s good for ‘them.’However well intended, it ignores the godly standards made clear by the prophets and sealed by Jesus Christ of human dignity, social and economic justice.
So, how can people be motivated to be responsible for themselves? It can’t be done. No one can motivate another. All one can do is provide the resources and conditions by which others find their own motivation. For those in authority it means providing quality material, the best possible tools, and removing obstacles that stand in the way of success. Society has the responsibility to see that its rules create avenues and remove obstacles to social and economic justice with no structural discrimination. Not everyone finds their motivation in the same way, nor through any predetermined standards others expect of them. Life is full of differences and contradictions. Let it go.
Each of us is responsible to God, others and society, to be the best agents we can be for the good of all. Each of us is responsible for our own words and deeds and their consequences. None of us is responsible for the words, deeds, or worthiness of others. Scripture commends us to carry our own burdens and help others carry theirs. Each carries their own burden, and each has help from others to do it. It’s an ideal seldom met but always worth striving for. It’s a tough lesson to learn. Far too many drive themselves into states of guilt ridden anxiety because they have taken on burdens not theirs to carry,