I saw a writing prompt that asked what having it all means, and questioned is having it all attainable? It reminded me of another question that has come up recently in casual conversation: What is happiness? Being happy seems to be something people want to be but experience not often enough. The other day scrolling through Youtube, I spotted someone purporting to know the path to a better quality of life, one that brought true happiness. It involved making enough discretionary money to eat out more often, attend more concerts, take more time off from work, and travel to more places to expand one’s horizons with new adventures in new places.
The “more of everything” was consistent with advertising assuring us that owning more of the right things, drinking more of the right brew, owning the right car, and being seen in the right places will makes us sophisticated, more sexually attractive, and envied by others: the very epitome of happiness. Could that be true? Only in your dreams, and maybe not even then. Remember the Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald? It was populated by characters seeking happiness in just that way. Gatsby was a mobster of sorts who invented a past for himself to make him appear a war hero, daring adventurer and a party host without equal. He took every opportunity to show off the stuff he owned as a way to give the impression he was a happy man. He died an ignominious death. Daisy, Gatsby’s old flame, and her Husband Tom were old money rich living only for the pleasure of parties, illicit sex, and conspicuous consumption. The tale ends with them continuing their meaningless ways in reckless disregard for others. Their purposeless lives left trails of tragedy while destroying relationships and leading to death.
Whatever happiness is, it cannot be found merely with more money, leisure, and adventure. It’s not a new discovery. The writer of the biblical book of Ecclesiastes explored the theme from one end to the other 2,500 years ago. So did the Buddha. Voltaire made the same points in his story of Candide.
So where does happiness lie? Happiness is not unjustified optimism or pretended joyfulness, nor is it a bulwark against misfortune or cruel conditions of life. Happiness may be found in the happiness of others to which you and I contribute. Your good lives in the good of the other. Your prosperity is found in the prosperity of others. It’s found in a certain contentment with who one is. It’s also found in striving to do the best one can in what one does, to be a person of integrity, to laugh joyfully with others, to share the burdens of grief with others, to truly love others – some as acquaintances and others as friends held in platonic affection. In other words, it is to live in harmonious relationship with others for the good of all. Happiness can only be found in healthy relationships.
If good fortune also provides abundant leisure time and the money to enjoy it, so much the better. It can enrich happiness for some people, but it can’t create it. American individualism and worship of cutthroat competition works against happiness when it dismisses the value of relationships in community, when competition is defined as winning by demolishing others. Every society has its own obstacles to happiness: heavy demands to conform, class consciousness, harsh honor codes, dictatorial rule, etc. I cannot speak about other faith traditions, but following in the way of Jesus Christ is, among other things, a sure and certain way to happiness no matter what surrounding conditions may be. Following Christ has the curious effect of spreading some measure of happiness into the lives of others who have experienced little of it. It does it by expressing love of self and neighbor in the way Jesus demonstrated.
That does not mean one has to be a Christian to find happiness. There are other faith traditions and a number of secular societies that appear to have high measures of happiness. Sadly, there are professed Christians who will never find happiness. I suspect it’s because they have subordinated love of self and neighbor to other values used to condemn non conformers. At worst, they boldly tell God what God should do, unwilling to listen to what God is saying in new ways. Nevertheless, following in the way of Jesus Christ without demanding the same of others is the way to happiness. Inviting others to join in a happy life shared with others can only make life better for all.