How would you define fidelity? A commonly understood definition is faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support. So the question is to whom or what is your fidelity pledged?
I recently listened to a documentary about the last few days in the Hitler bunker and was deeply saddened by the unwavering fidelity that those closest to him pledged him and everything he stood for. They believed, in some terribly distorted way, that his dream would have led to a paradise on earth for them and people like them. Rather than surrender to the truth, they chose to die with him and his delusions.
To whom or what do you pledge your fidelity? I imagine for many of us the answer is uncertain. We are not sure. Well, what about the pledge to your marriage or perhaps to a close friend? When you pledge allegiance to the flag and the republic for which it stands, to what are you pledging? What is an oath of office if not a pledge of fidelity? Some claim to be true only to themselves. How reliable can that be?
The things to which we pledge fidelity, however wobbly, reveal the center of our lives. As scripture put it, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” The treasure is whoever or whatever claims our fidelity, revealing a great deal about the sort of person we are. It’s a revelation that dissolves masks, facades, and pretensions, exposing deep truths about each of us. Maybe that is what makes us a bit shy about admitting where our fidelity lies; we even hide it from ourselves.
To pledge undying, unwavering fidelity to any thing, cause, or person in this material world can never be reciprocated fully. Even the best of us let each other down. Most often, we fail each other without intention. At other times we can, as Oscar Wilde put it, resist anything but temptation. At worst we can be cruel, vindictive, and intentionally hurt others.
The most promising of all political causes demanding our fidelity has been liberal democracy, and yet we see it flailing against the storm of authoritarianism. Its only strength is in the commitment of citizens to their freedom and common good; without that, it has no inherent strength of its own. If a nation is persuaded that its citizens are not up to the hard work of keeping a democracy, they may be persuaded to give their fidelity to a person and cause that promises to take control, asking of the people only unwavering obedience. It happens when civic duty is displaced by complacency, grievances, and fidelity pledged to things like money, property, social status, etc. None of them have any inherent value or strength that can endure, nor can any return to us the fidelity we give to them.
What persuades us to take an oath to anything or any person? In premarital counseling, I often asked a couple what persuaded them that pledging their fidelity to one another was a good idea. It’s an important question we should ask of each other about everything that has become the treasure demanding our fidelity. What inspires some of us to pledge fidelity? What persuades us are marketing schemes in their various forms that promise the good life, just beyond our reach, that can be ours if we would only buy this thing or that service, follow this supreme leader or give our lives to that cause. It’s a very seductive fantasy that works well. It ends with us outsourcing moral judgments to market manipulations.
Who or what is most persuasive in our lives matters. It matters that we be willing and able to examine the persuasive issues in our lives and to honestly recognize the fidelity demand of us in exchange for promises that can never be fulfilled. The consequences of being persuaded by lies and illusory promises lead at best to disappointment, moral failure, and destruction of self. At worst, the consequences are the destruction of the moral integrity of society, death of millions, and the triumph of evil.